Don't Fake It

It had been a long time  since I wrote last time. In other words I had been waiting for a day when I could peacefully write with all my heart. 

Yeah. Almost an year and a half passed by,  before getting into a job . By the time  I ate up the most miserable times of my life. Bridging between degree and a career had been very difficult. 

Choosing which road to travel was a tough task,  I stood stumbled at the crossroads. Chose one,  hoping to find light soon. But 'soon' came late. Luckily it came,  anyhow. 

Like most people who try for competitive exams,  I carried hope in my right hand and uncertainity in my left hand. Every morning i jumped out of bed with my hard-made-energy out of that hope,  so that my engine  run tirelessly for the whole day. Every night i fell back to bed staring at nothing but darkness filled with uncertainty. 

At this stage of life , people become answerable to many questions  about why, when and how. 

One of the most difficult questions I faced was when will my mother retire. When I live depending on my mothers earning as a teacher, her retirement is a nightmare (She is not a govt. Employee) . Dear friend, sorry,  I couldn't tell you that day. But this question was really painful. I don't know whether you noticed how my voice cracked when you asked it.

Our sir at the coaching institute used to boost up our energy  saying, 'Work hard, not for you,  not for your loved ones,  but for the other curious people around you,  who is always worried of your matters.' Yeah he was quite true. 

So here comes the next question.  As I was not available at my hometown,  it was my amma who suffered all the teasers. "Did she get a job?" "Did she get a job". They used to repeat it again and again. And finally one day she replied, " Please don't  ask  whether she got a job anymore. I'll  let you know if she get one ". Thus my amma tirelessly fought against all typical aunties and uncles. Each parent should respond like the same rather than getting ashamed of such questions. Thanks  to amma for this special thing  and for everything.  

 

I have always been haunted with a question  why banking after Btech as if I'm  the only person to do that 'crime' Though I felt bad when it was asked, I gained inspiration from my acquaintances  as well as from google  knowing about the engineer-turned-bankers.i realized  it is not at all a crime. I pondered over this question a lot and I wonder why is an engineer-turned-banker  a 'meh' and engineer -turned- ias   a ' wow'.  (I'm  not making a comparison between the two  professions,  i refer to the opinion of people, on those who prepare for the respective exams.)

And  you may be thinking why do I blah out all these here.  I need to take it off my heart. Talk out loud to the world.  

So take it as my request, if you know somebody trying hard to achieve his or her goal, somebody who is following a dream, please keep this in mind. 

Please take care not to ask anything that sounds like 'vallathum nadakuo'. It really breaks the heart. Yeah,  I've had my heartbreak several times already. But bravely I stood tall against it .

And also I believe no baby is born to this world with a blueprint of his or her life ahead. Everything comes as it flows.  If everything goes on like what one plans,  then where is life?  You walk, run,  fall,  crawl,  turn, bend  and even retrace.  Still life goes on.  So nobody can judge what would happen. Nobody can imagine what height the other would scale. 

Tell them to hope. Tell them its okay to fall. But to rise with all fire.  Tell them to believe.  Tell them there are still people to support. Tell them there is still time. Tell girls and boys, there is still time to get married. Because a small kind gesture may really boost someone's day.

Also if you can't  motivate, its okay. Don't fake it. (It is toxic like unkept promises). Give some energy. If you can't  its okay. Don't destroy it.  (I've personally felt  some conversation  tend to destroy my hard-made energy.)

At some difficult times,  I've felt how some people could lift me up when I've  lost my confidence on myself. Make me believe that  I've entered into this earlier and  there's still time. Telling failures are only the stepping stones and not to  fall on it. Really,  I owe a lot to you ! 

And the ultimate inspiration to all the struggles was a job to earn and to live a life that is longed for. To be valued, to be independent and to do whatever wanted. And few days before I felt happy for all the sufferings I had when my mom told me this, "Dear, now you may stop studying.  You watch films,  hear songs, read, write  and do whatever you want.'  Really,  I was waiting for this moment. !

It is not that I've reached the end of the tunnel. It's a time to take some rest. To refresh, reload and rejuvenate.  Revamp for the life to come. Because I know life is a rollercoaster ride.